Loneliness escapes no one. We all feel it at times and for different reasons. I would like to pick up and continue the conversation.
There has been a common theme in my life where I stumble upon a concept that sparks my curiosity. My curiosity leads me to bread crumbs gradually leading up to something much greater. I drive my friends and family crazy because I throw myself into the subject and can’t let go until I’m satisfied with the knowledge I have on it. In this I know I am not alone.
I enjoy following intelligent, like-minded individuals on social media for the sheer joy of knowing that there are people out there who have passion, hunger and something they want to share with the world much like myself. Starting my day watching/listening to videos from a variety of individuals on Goalcast, Tony Robbins seminars and The Minimalists. I live to be inspired and inspire others, especially now that I am trying to live by the minimalist lifestyle code. It’s more important to me to exchange non-materialistic things with people and connect on a more meaningful level.
Matthew Hussey is also among the list of people who inspire me. I first heard about Matthew when I was searching for relationship advice over the internet (dangerous, I know). His name is very prominent in the realm of dating for women, but he is a life coach and works in a number of areas. Needless to say, I liked what I saw and ordered his book How to Get The Guy. A handful of times. Since then, I have been following his Youtube channel watching the information I felt was pertinent to me.
Starting the Conversation
I’ve been thinking a lot about time with my family and friends back in my home state of Minnesota. Especially on days I’m not working, busy exploring or late at night. Being able to go to someones house at any time of day, no matter the reason, and be welcome anytime just to hang out is something I miss. I know that I will eventually have that here as I build relationships with people, but I did not realize how much of a void that would leave. That makes me the most lonely and is the only downside so far to this great move that I made.
This post has been inspired by a reaction video Matthew put out about the responses received on a previous video of his. The reason why this video is important to me today is because it has been like having a good friend sit you down and tell you something about yourself that’s difficult to hear, but it’s for your own good. This video couldn’t have been more timely.
Loneliness & Learning
Watching this video and seeing people explain how they feel in different situations is really eye-opening. Not eye-opening meaning: “I didn’t know other people could experience loneliness.” We all know that people have different hardships. One person’s hell is another persons heaven.
What did it for me was understanding that there are ways to mend loneliness and the different ways one can be lonely. I learned a lot about myself and my own loneliness:
I love my alone time and there is nothing wrong with it. It’s a way to learn about myself and be my true self with minimal outside influence.
The biggest thing: I have a problem with showing my softer side, especially to people I want to date. The world we live in does not welcome gentle, introverted, soft-spoken people. I hide it in order to protect myself, but the reality is that I end up hurting anyway. Lonely. All because I’m afraid to be vulnerable.
In the previous video, Matthew talked about how he felt connected to people who watched his videos because they have similar mindsets and they weren’t necessarily seeking advice. I understand that completely. The loneliness that exists in my own mind subsides by watching and listening to like-minded people. Even if I don’t have a personal relationship with them.
Sometimes I cause myself to be lonely because I want attention from a specific person and they aren’t providing it exactly when I want or need it. This is a big problem for me in romantic relationships. In order to fix this, I need to voice my need to: a) be vulnerable and ask to speak with this person because no one is a mind reader, b) get over feeling as though I’m bothering this person, which prevents me from speaking to them, c) and if after all that they won’t make time to hear what I have to say, I don’t need them in my life.
Changing your mindset can subside loneliness because the mind is our most powerful tool. The mom in the video talked about feeling lonely because when she is taking care of her family the spotlight is removed. All she has to do is change the way she views that situation and she transforms into a rockstar, supermom. Changing your attitude about a situation will change the situation.
Loneliness & Minimalism
I don’t have the cure to loneliness. I’m not trying to be a shoulder to cry on. But I do want to show you that there is value in analyzing the way you experience loneliness.
Of course, I would like to relate all of this information back to Minimalism. The main concept I’ve taken from Minimalism is that what you have should be treated as valuable. Don’t forget to treat yourself as the most valuable thing. Take the time to figure out what makes you unhappy and exchange it for things that will fill that space with happiness. It’s what you deserve.
Key Points in the Video
6:35 | Don’t shut down and keep that soft, most attractive side of yourself out of view. You can’t wait for other people to make the first move or hope for it to work like a transaction.
8:20 | Loneliness can be a beautiful thing. There isn’t anything wrong with being alone to get to know yourself better.
I hope that this post inspires you in some way and makes you feel a little less alone today.